Self Care: The Ultimate Coping Skill

What does self care mean? What is it really? Where should I start?

Clients will ask these question quite often in session.

When I hear individuals talk about “self-care” it is usually in reference to getting their nails done, shopping at their favorite store, or eating something extra delectable.  While these may fall into a self-care routine for an individual, they are not inherently self-care. 

The meaning:

The meaning that seems to have been attributed to this term is that of indulgence or a reason for a particular behavior that may or may not need a reason, an eating-dessert-first kind of philosophy. This misses the mark.

Another understanding of self-care may be the requirement of strict rules, norms, or routines.  A should kind of philosophy. This view is also somewhat missing the point.  Self-care in the truest sense of the word rests somewhere in between dessert first and strict rules; somewhere between indulgence and boxing yourself in.

The reality:

The true definition of self-care is multifaceted, encompassing every aspect of your life, it means taking care of you, the unique person you are.  Not just your emotional wellbeing, but your literal body (sleep and eating habits, exercise, hydration) and mental wellbeing, too.  Without addressing your emotional, physical, AND mental health, you will not be able to feel the full affect.  This definition allows for understanding that the way self-care is implemented for each individual may vary greatly. 

In an article by Spurlock (2019), self-care is explained as a matter of stewardship, an opportunity to live a fuller life because we are prioritizing our overall health instead of neglecting it.  Spurlock (2019) further argues that rather than a selfish act, self-care is necessary in order to live a healthy life.  This concept is supported by an article on self-care practices for helpers (Andrews, Tierney, Seers; 2020) in which the authors advocate that helpers help themselves so they do not burnout.

In researching this topic, most of the research for self-care is related to education and patient care for those with chronic illnesses and self-care for those caring for others (nurses, social workers, etc.).  However, being healthy does not mean your self-care should be neglected.  On the contrary, according to the research, if you want to stay healthy and avoid burnout, self-care should be a priority (Andrews, Tierney, Seers; 2020).

Where to begin:

The idea of caring for oneself may seem daunting, it may seem much simpler to look after someone, it may even be difficult for you to identify what you need.  Caring for yourself requires the recognition of your own needs, energy levels, and capabilities.  Do not fear.  It is important to remember that you do not need to change everything at once. You can make changes one at a time, and in fact this is more sustainable. 

Getting started with self-care can be as simple as paying attention to your body and emotions.  After making some observations about yourself as an individual, you may recognize what makes you feel rejuvenated, rested, and energized.  With these observations, you can begin to adjust daily life choices to reflect more of what is good for your body, mind, and emotions.

This may include adjusting current routines, making new routines, getting into a consistent, or mostly consistent sleep schedule, developing healthy or mostly healthy food choices (that actually taste good), making new friends. This may also look like developing a budget to help manage your financial stress; finding ways to enjoy life while making decisions with money that do not add to later stress.  Self-care could look like recognizing negative thought patterns that aren’t serving you and crafting kinder ones.  Self-care could also look like rekindling an interest in old hobbies and making time for them.

To summarize, self-care is not just structure, and not just leisure.  Self-care is getting creative with the pieces that make you whole, each piece brings balance and symmetry, making something unique. You can add in pieces of good sleep, and time with friends, you can incorporate budgeting and saving up for nights out.  Ultimately, you are aiming for longevity and enjoyment, investing in yourself for now and for the future.

References:

Andrews, H., Tierney S., Seers, K. (2020): Needing permission: The experience of self-care and self-compassion in nursing: A constructivist grounded theory study; International Journal of Nursing Studies,Volume 101,  https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijnurstu.2019.103436.

Spurlock. (2019). Self-Care. Journal of Christian Nursing : a Quarterly Publication of Nurses Christian Fellowship., 38(2). https://doi.org/10.1097/CNJ.0000000000000688